Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Self Appreciation :: Giving yourself Credit every once in a while is ok!

I am a true inspiration to many! I am a leader for the followers. By example I lead. I am glad that I can bring pleasure in others lives. I am a true asset to this thing we call life! Thank you for letting me be such a huge part of your lives! I feel so very honored that I am that important to you all. I am a ROCKSTAR and Celebrity!! For that I am grateful ♥















Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Who are "They, Them and Everybody?"

Twice in one day by two different disgruntle individuals ::: I was told "I should have listened to everyone else about you".

An obvious line used when really someone  upset with you really has NOTHING to throw at you or on you.... My response?

  "Bringing in 'Everybody Else' (whom ever 'they' may be) makes you of a lesser person and only validates that you are unable to stand on your own!

When asked who these other people are, they never answer and if they did 9 times out of 10 it is someone that doesn't get along with you anyways or lives off  hear say!

 I NEVER base my decisions on others opinions, I like to see for myself how the person would get along with ME. For no two people are alike and one that doesn't mesh with you might work in my world just swimmingly.

So for arguments sake, hold your own and leave 'Everybody Else' out of it!



Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Awaken

In light of the events from the past few months, I felt it was time to stir things up again.

Recently a very beautiful woman that a lot of us know, whether personally, from shows or facebook, past away. For reasons hard to understand for most yet I do ::

Talking with a friend this past Sunday I mentioned to her, How can you be in a room full of people yet be so alone? I know that there are quite a few people that know who "EDEN" is but do you?

After moving to Park City, I'll admit I did fall "out of the scene" looking for something more for my life. It was difficult to get people up to visit. I started coming back down to Salt Lake area more and more. I know people are busy but yet so was I! I made time! This feeling of rejection was painful. I felt I put to much of me and my time into everyone and wasn't getting back out of it, yet I didn't want to expect anything either. It wouldn't be right.

After losing my job, place to live and sanity the rejection and loneliness was outstanding! WOW look at all the support I really do not have. The usual response was "It will get better". If you are going to say this horrid line at least say it correctly!! "It will get better but I am not willing to put forth the compassion or time to help you step up so it does get better"!!

I spent 4 months homeless. Bounced through 6 homes. My daughter staying with someone besides me so she could stay in her school. (Where i was not welcomed BTW because in their own words "It would be enabling me"). Unable to get stable enough and the overwhelming amount of rejection, loneliness and sadness I decided that after drinking heavily I would go and drive off the mountain--got caught instead and received a WONDERFUL DUI... and still unemployed.

"You are strong" --maybe but when can I just catch a break and get off the ground from being kicked? I suffer depression and anxiety and have as long as I can remember. I know I am not the easiest person to get a long with but it doesn't stop anyone when they NEED something from ME.

So for you having a hard time understanding :: I give MY story. Maybe you can think about it and start paying attention to the ones that really matter and the ones that don't leave them alone. Quit hurting others out of jealousy, your own self worth, and quit listening to others garbage and go straight to the person in question instead of rumors! When someone is having a rough time in life do something to make it better for them not make it worse!


There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective. This is your awakening. ~Unknown




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Monday, November 14, 2011

Sad Angel

Angel,
Put sad wings around me now
Protect me from this world of sin
So that we can rise again

Oh angel,
We can find our way somehow
Escaping from the world we're in 
To a place where we began
And I know we'll find
A better place and peace of mind
Just tell me that it's all you want
For you and me

Angel won't you set me free
Angel,
Remember how we chased the sun
Then reaching for the stars at night
As our lives had just begun
When I close my eyes
I hear your velvet wings and cry
I'm waiting here with open arms
Oh can't you see
Angel shine your light on me

Angel we'll meet once more I'll pray
When all my sins are washed away
Hold me inside your wings and stay
Angel take me far away

Put sad wings around me now
Angel take me far away
Put sad wings around me now
So that we can rise again
Put sad wings around me now
Angel take me far away
Put sad wings around me now
So that we can rise again




Art by:: Jimmie Miller



Friday, April 29, 2011

Cell Phone Pet Peeves!

This has got to be one of my BIGGEST pet peeves! As nice as someone may be that does not excuse them from ignorance. When you walk into an establishment that involves positive customer service on their part, RETURN THE FUCKING FAVOR! Get off your phone BEFORE walking in and put it on silent. Don't walk in chatting away having someone sit there waiting on you to get done. Better yet why in the HELL would you answer it in mid-conversation. Let it go to voice mail!

Excusing yourself doesn't work either. There is NO excuse. Having your ring tone volume on the highest it will go isn't necessary either. Are ya freakin deaf? Need to make sure you hear it so you can run after it? You miss it so what! Call them back! If it's real important THEY will call back! I now have to try and find some tactic to excuse people away from my office politely until they are done bullshitting on their cell phone.



Now this one is most aggravating. If I do not answer your call or text right away. I AM BUSY! It doesn't matter what I am busy with, that is NOT your business. If I do not want to text or talk I should not  feel obligated to, so that you don't think I am some kind of a-hole. Your insecurities should not be my problem. 9 times out of 10 if you are feeling that you offended me or are bugging me you probably are. LEAVE IT! I will get back to you as soon as I can. I do have a life you know. I am sorry that you are not priority in it. My only priorities right now are my children and my job. By the way have I mentioned that I HATE TO FUCKING TEXTING!!





Driving here is a big one! I wish that UTAH would pass the law like California with a stiff fine if you are pulled over for driving and texting/calling. You drive worse then a 90 year old lady that can't see over the steering wheel!! Do you realize the heavy equpiment, the massive weapon you are rolling around in? This one should be treated just as serious as drinking and driving. There are options to be hands free talking! Let them call you back, let your voicemail pick it up, blue tooth ear piece, run through the speakers in your vehicle. There are more important things happening on the road then to worry about what someone needs to tell you. If it is that important pull off the road for gods sakes.

Friday, April 15, 2011

My top 5 songs

Here are my top 5 favorite songs in life right now. These are not in any particular order either.


This song by Zep is one of the most sexiest songs... This one gets right in my soul! I feel so sexy dancing to this and even sexier in bed! "I've been trying, Lord, let me tell you, Let me tell you I really did the best I could." "I said you had the nerve to tell me you didn't want me no more, yeah"


This song by Aerosmith is a theme song for me in my life." It's amazing, With the blink of an eye, You finally see the light, Oh it's amazing, When the moment arrives, That you know you'll be alright, Oh it's amazing And I'm saying a prayer, For the desperate hearts tonight."


Black Crows she talks to Angels: "..... and the cross is someone she has not met, not yet."......." She paints her eyes as black as night now, Pulls those shades down tight Yes, she gives a smile when the pain comes, The pain gonna make everything alright."





Jane says, Janes Addiction. Another sexy diddy and I love the lyrics. . "Jane says I ain't ever been in love, I don't know what it is she only knows if someone wants her."



Velvet Revolvers Fall to pieces is a very emotional piece to me. "I keep a journal of memories, I'm feeling lonely, I can't breathe, I fall to pieces"




This one by Saliva comes soooooo close! Hard to not just add it on as an extra here. Depending on the day or week or month it could replace one in the 5.


"Would you find it in you heart,  To make this go away,  And let me rest in pieces"