Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Self Appreciation :: Giving yourself Credit every once in a while is ok!

I am a true inspiration to many! I am a leader for the followers. By example I lead. I am glad that I can bring pleasure in others lives. I am a true asset to this thing we call life! Thank you for letting me be such a huge part of your lives! I feel so very honored that I am that important to you all. I am a ROCKSTAR and Celebrity!! For that I am grateful ♥

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Who are "They, Them and Everybody?"

Twice in one day by two different disgruntle individuals ::: I was told "I should have listened to everyone else about you".

An obvious line used when really someone  upset with you really has NOTHING to throw at you or on you.... My response?

  "Bringing in 'Everybody Else' (whom ever 'they' may be) makes you of a lesser person and only validates that you are unable to stand on your own!

When asked who these other people are, they never answer and if they did 9 times out of 10 it is someone that doesn't get along with you anyways or lives off  hear say!

 I NEVER base my decisions on others opinions, I like to see for myself how the person would get along with ME. For no two people are alike and one that doesn't mesh with you might work in my world just swimmingly.

So for arguments sake, hold your own and leave 'Everybody Else' out of it!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012


In light of the events from the past few months, I felt it was time to stir things up again.

Recently a very beautiful woman that a lot of us know, whether personally, from shows or facebook, past away. For reasons hard to understand for most yet I do ::

Talking with a friend this past Sunday I mentioned to her, How can you be in a room full of people yet be so alone? I know that there are quite a few people that know who "EDEN" is but do you?

After moving to Park City, I'll admit I did fall "out of the scene" looking for something more for my life. It was difficult to get people up to visit. I started coming back down to Salt Lake area more and more. I know people are busy but yet so was I! I made time! This feeling of rejection was painful. I felt I put to much of me and my time into everyone and wasn't getting back out of it, yet I didn't want to expect anything either. It wouldn't be right.

After losing my job, place to live and sanity the rejection and loneliness was outstanding! WOW look at all the support I really do not have. The usual response was "It will get better". If you are going to say this horrid line at least say it correctly!! "It will get better but I am not willing to put forth the compassion or time to help you step up so it does get better"!!

I spent 4 months homeless. Bounced through 6 homes. My daughter staying with someone besides me so she could stay in her school. (Where i was not welcomed BTW because in their own words "It would be enabling me"). Unable to get stable enough and the overwhelming amount of rejection, loneliness and sadness I decided that after drinking heavily I would go and drive off the mountain--got caught instead and received a WONDERFUL DUI... and still unemployed.

"You are strong" --maybe but when can I just catch a break and get off the ground from being kicked? I suffer depression and anxiety and have as long as I can remember. I know I am not the easiest person to get a long with but it doesn't stop anyone when they NEED something from ME.

So for you having a hard time understanding :: I give MY story. Maybe you can think about it and start paying attention to the ones that really matter and the ones that don't leave them alone. Quit hurting others out of jealousy, your own self worth, and quit listening to others garbage and go straight to the person in question instead of rumors! When someone is having a rough time in life do something to make it better for them not make it worse!

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective. This is your awakening. ~Unknown